Things I have learned today...

...after ingesting two bottles of white wine with my best friend Al:

1. my typing ain't that bad when drukn
2. house hunting is much more fun this way
3. bronchitis can be cured by drinking white wine. Honest.
4. holy shit! I have bronchitis! 3 days before Christmas!
5. I'm scared to call my non-drinking girlfriend. Wait, what do you mean I just left her a message?!?!?!?!?
6. it's only DAYS to Christmas
7. TV is still shitty when you're drunk, in fact it's WORSE
9. counting is for wussies
10. when your friends come home from being out of the country for almost a year, your conversations pick up exactly where you left 'em.
11. cats hate being petted by drunk people.
12. I still have to work tomorrow
13. it's been a very stressful lead up to the holidays
14. I'm madly in love. Madly, I tells ya!
15. I need to drink more. Much more. More often.
16. I'm in charge of organizing the new year's gathering. Brain, Zoe, we're going to Andy Pool Hall. Want a ticket? It's only 10 bucks in advance.
17. there's a fuck load of snow out there.
18. lists are fun
19. so are free bottles of wine. Yay Christmas!
20. white wine and bronchitis. The new duo of 2004.

Ouch

It took me almost 2 hours to get out of bed this morning.
Why?
I'd say it was cause I'm lazy (well, I am...), but it's cause I had the worst back spasm EVER.

It was so sudden and crazy painful that all the gal could do was giggle.
Yeah, it was awesome.
She got me a handful of Robaxacet (the best stuff EVAH) and got me to relax.

So now I'm drugged up better than Whitney Houston (remember, crack is WHACK) and only in a bit of pain. Wooot.

Man, I can't wait until my "golden" years.
I am so screwed.

Nothing but a Quickie

Yeah, I'm supposed to be on my way RIGHT NOW to Weasel Central. I'm working on it.
Honest.

But before I run outta here, I have a question for all y'all....where's the best place/charity/whatever to drop off books, dishes, clothes, cats. Nah, just kiddin' about the last one there.
But really.

Name a good Toronto based place (I'm not mailing/driving more than an hour to drop stuff off) to donate all my stuff to.

Suggestions would be much appreciated.
Besides, it's the Christmas season, everyone should be donating something at this time of year.
And if you don't, well shit, start this year.

an open letter to the universe

Dear Universe,

I know we haven't spoken in awhile, what with you constantly letting me down and all. But I'm all ready to make amends. Are you? I need one little favour. A tiny one, really. I need to get that sweet ass new position that doesn't even exist yet. You know the one, don't play coy. Just make sure that my name is on the tip of everyone's tongue. I'm the gal they know they need.

Make it happen.

Otherwise our relationship might truly be over.

Love and hugs,
R

Tuesday's Thought...

Some days you just gotta sit and laugh your ass off at stupid shit like this:

http://www.filmbuffs.net/bananana

Yup...

...I'm still here.
Still alive and kickin'.
Kickin' a little harder these days.

Tired of bitching and snorting about things I have the power to change.
I'm working on making changes to how I spend 8 hours of my day.
We'll see what happens. And how soon it happens.

Until then, it's bidnezz as usual.

Even Better...

...cause today is our ONE YEAR anniversary!!!
I'm so squealy excited.
I'm such a little kid that way.
Yay!

I okay now...

...Honest.

I think I am overworked.
Wait.
I know I am overworked.
And PMS'ing.
So my body decided to let some tears flow.
And flow, and flow and flow.

The boss (who is AWESOME) was totally supportive.
And totally let me sniffle.
Then made me laugh.

The gal (who is AWESOME) said calming things over the phone.
And then surprised me by showing up at my home.
And let me be silent, snarky, sucky & funny.
Almost all at the same time.

Yes folks. I'm back to being me.
And after all of that, I could use a beer.
Or some of those McDonald's chicken strip thingys.
They're like crack.

I've just got something in my eye...

Today was one of those days.

My boss pulled me into one of the side rooms to have a chat & what do I do?
I start crying like my life depends on it. Yuppers. Total waterworks.
No real reason, other than I'm feeling REALLY emotional today.

I rock the casbah.

I was blubbering & tearing up looking at the pea soup green walls.
I was getting teary eyed looking at the half empty vending machine.
I kept saying that nothing was wrong (professionally or personally) and that all I needed was a really good cry.

Gawd I LOVE my PMS. It's the freakin' best.
I wish that every day could be this much fun.
Please, just shoot me.

It's alive!!!

Hi.

I'm still here. Honest.

• Up to my eyeballs in Weasel Central worshops/projects/bullshit.
  
• Working on what to buy the gal for our impending one year anniversary.
  
• trying to get some rowing in before the first frost
  
• Working on printing up AWESOME wedding photos (yes, Zoe is right...hire me to take your wedding pics...I am THAT good).
  
• trying to get sleep/proper nutrition
  
• attempting to keep from going crazy (dunno if that's really working right about now)
  

I'll write more soon. I promise.
I miss you internet!
*sigh*

Talk about being lazy

Hola!

Yup, I'm still around. And trying to be lazy. And almost succeeding. Almost.
Managed to stay nice and busy lately. Thank gawd for the upcoming long weekend!

My friends are gettin' hitched this weekend (Yay Zoe and Jef!!!!) and I managed to get the title of "Wedding Photographer". Really, I think this means that they'll be picking my drunken shots over everyone else's drunken shots. Heh. Kidding, guys, kidding. I'll take some purdy pictures, honest.

Life at Weasel Central is actually bearable. Change is in the air and so far it doesn't smell like cow shit.
I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and to the horrible recruiter who talked down to me before my phone interview...I blew it just for you. Fuckwad.

Gearing up for my one year anniversary with the gal. Hard to believe that one person could handle me for that long. Well, at least without some kind of medication. Buah ha ha.

Right. Gotta get out of my PJs and amble off to work.
So for those wondering where I disappeared to, I was here all the time, hidin' behind the cats.

A billion years later...

...I decide to post something.

I've been that relaxed, yo.

A whole week at the cottage with the one I love the most.
Watching the herons, turtles and fish. Enjoying the silence. The laughter. The snap of the fire.
The night train that lit the trees up in a way I thought was only possible in movies.
No fights, no awkward silences. Just pure enjoyment.
Good weather, a row boat and some black and white film.

I'm still riding that high.

Went for my month check up and got the all clear. Also turns out that medically, yup, I'm a freak. My doctor told me that by now I'm supposed to be dragging my ass around, barely able to stay awake. I didn't understand why, I'm on great little pills. Turns out the pills are minor doses. So in otherwords, even without a thyroid I'm a fuckin' hyper monkey. Yee haw!!!
I'm finally on the real stuff (thyroid replacement) so we'll see how my body deals with the good shit.

Cross your fingers!

The shortest, happiest post ever...

It's official!
I'm cancer free!

Thank you.

I stand corrected

They were stitches. Plain old run of the mill, nylon stitches.
No staples for this monkey.
Poop.

Booooooooooring

Yup. I'm still alive. Yee haw! The surgery went well, but now I'm bored outta my tree. I've been home since Sunday and bored since Monday. It rocks.

But I can't really complain. I always forget how heartbreaking it is inside a hospital. I was rooming with this young gal who couldn't have been more than 18. I think she was in for a miscarriage. And at one point she was on the phone trying to convince her wad of a boyfriend to come and visit. You could hear the anguish in her voice as she was speaking to him in a mix of English and Spanish. I eventually left the room cause it was just so painful to hear.

So I'm off for a couple of weeks and my main objective during this time is to not go crazy. It's gonna be harder than I thought. Hoo boy.

Maybe I'll manage to scan my staples for y'all. Buah ha ha. Staples! In my throat! Wooo!!!!

Um, yeah. Thanks for all your well wishes. Now send candy.

Under the knife...

...in two days. Woo hoo.

Soon I will be lazing around the house going mental. Can't wait.
If I'm not lying around on the sofa playing video games, I'll be staring at my STAPLES in my throat. Yeah, I'm excited.

Ah, the joys of surgery.

But at least I'll be away from Weasel Central for WEEKS! I can forget that I have a job & still mysteriously get paid. I can lie about in scandalous PJs and not worry about breaking the archaic dress code.
I won't have helper monkeys asking me the same question a billion times. I don't have to be polite to anyone (except my gal and the cats). I don't have to answer the phone or return "urgent" emails. Oh my gawd, I'm so excited I could pee!

Hopefully I'll be able to sleep. This insomnia thing is starting to get old. I'm starting to get little kid cranky.

Pray for Mojo.

Rambling monkey...

Today I wrote an email to some of my head honchos at Weasel Central.

Nothing big really.

I just admitted, in writing, that I was manhandling (I kept wanting to type "molesting", but that sounded so, y'know, WRONG) a case in the worst way EVER. A case that these head honcho goons kept dumping on my desk every time I tried to escalate to them. Y'know, that kinda mishandling that only happens in sitcoms ("hey, I wonder what happens if I push the RED button"). I basically told them that if I continued calling this poor, angry man on behalf of the company I was pretty sure he'd either a)sue us; b)show up with his "little friend" (said a la Pacino in Scarface) or c)spit moth balls (I dunno, I needed a third thing, I'm tired, leave me alone).

I suspect they'll tell me to call him again and just apologize for my stupidity and offer him a Weasel Central pen. Heh.

Dummies.

In other news, I got to hear a code fucking red at the hospital this morning. It was weird, cause the doctor dealing with me kept talking like NOTHING was going on. Those piercing alarms? Nothing at all. The slightly panicked sounding announcement? Fuggedaboutit. He kept making rather nonchalant banter and all the while I'm trying to remember where all the bloody emergency exits are, so I'm not really listening to him & probably told him that I'm really a rhesus monkey, and that no, I do not enjoy Proust, but who knows.

I could be wrong.

And sleep deprived.

Horribly, horribly sleep deprived.

Oh, and addicted to that bloody PS2 soccer game. I've almost mastered it. Though I must protest that Luis Figo is not in it. *sigh*

Right. That post went terribly wrong. I'm sorry. So very sorry. Next post I'll leave to the cats. I'm sure they'll come up with something a little more coherent.

Oh Ma Goodnezz Gracious

Yeah, I'm still alive. Stunned, but still alive.
Turns out that the surgery I wasn't expecting to have until later in July has moved forth a wee bit. By 3 weeks. Yikes! I'll be going under ze knife in early July.

Now, before everyone freaks out (can't handle any "OHMIGAWD are you OKAY?!?!"s anymore), there are some positives. Since I freakin' love lists, allow me to list the reasons getting my throat cut open isn't such a bad thing....

* I get to sleep in for over 2 weeks
* krap daytime teevee
* The new PS2 games I picked up last night (woo hoo! Lookit me! I'm David Beckham!)
* quality time with the cats (ha)
* sleep, and lots of it
* I can surf the internet in my pjs
* I'll be the envy of all wanna be gangstas. Or something.

Okay. Gotta go and do something work related.

Still alive...

...And still feeling lazy as all fuck.

Finally getting back into rowing. But I must admit, getting up at 5 am is a lot harder than it used to be. Ah, the joys of getting older. I'm ready for my nap now.

Don't really have that much in the way of updates.
Still at Weasel Central. Boo.
Still with the gal. Yay.

Yeah. That's about it. For now, anyways.
I've gotta go and figure out how to sneak out of the office an hour early to go and sit in the sun and drink beer.
Wish me luck!

Moo Cow Moo!

Dudes, I am living an exciting life these days. Fo' sho'. You'd all be dead jealous if you were livin' in my shoes.

I've come to realise that I don't actually have to lose 10 pounds. Nope.
It's actually 20.
Whooot!

Oh well. At least my relationship is still going boffo. The gal has announced that she, too, has to shed some weight. Starting yesterday, I began cooking again. Turns out that over the last 2 months we've been poster kids for eating out. How did that happen? I can't stand a joint where I have to sit at an actual table and act like a grown up.

Laziness is an crazy, crazy thing.
So is my inability to get out of bed and go rowing.

Someone send motivation, STAT!

Way too obvious

Right.

So I just completed the online Weasel Central employee survey. I just realised that it is entirely possible for the powers that be to figure out that I was the gal with the unhappy answers. Yeah. I'm the only goofball in this position under that specific person (question 320), so I don't think it would take a genius to figure me out. Crud.

Other than that the entire office floor smells of varnish. And not the nail varnish variety for you Brits out there. I'm talking the kick ass, strip the skin off ya varnish. A very sexxy smell at 7.45 in the ayem. Poop.

I think Weasel Central is literally trying to kill me off. Crazy.

Crunchy Headache Fun

Why does the weather have to suck ass when you have time off?!!?!?!?
I think there's been like 5 hours of good weather since Friday. Give or take, really.

There's something about this weather that just makes me crazy. And cranky. Been having some deep convos with the gal again. Maybe that's why my head is hurting. Too much thinkin', y'know. Must think less. Yeah, that's the ticket. Either that or it's the damp weather.

Should be cleaning the homestead, but the computer looked lonely, so I've been geeking out and surfing instead. I feel a small shred of shame, but I'm working on ignoring it. Some days you just gotta act like an irresponsible 12 year old. Today would be that day. I managed to weasel out of most of my plans and head home to chill out with the cats and relax. So far so effin' good. Yee haw.

Right. Gotta go and lie on the sofa and watch cartoons. It's really the only way to enjoy a shitty weather day, folks. Trust me on that one. You'll thank me later.

House Keepin' 101

So I've started changing a few things here and there. It's still growing on me (like fungus). Trying to figure out how to add things and how to bring back the old, yet make it look new and shiny.

Be patient, my little helper monkeys, it'll soon turn into something. I just have no idea what that will be.
Buah ha ha.

Erm, yeah. Sleep deprivation reigns supreme once again.

The new black...

*Is being too effin' lazy to make a real dinner...and taking the "effort" to make boxed scallop potatoes. And nothing else.

*Is knowing that you'll be rocking a thyroidectomy scar during the summer. And fall. And winter. And shit, the rest of your life.

*Is knowing that you just need to lose 8 more pounds and not caring one iota, really.

*Is thinking that relaxation includes vacuuming the ENTIRE apartment in five minutes flat.

*Is loving your erg enough to ignore it for weeks on end

*Is rocking nice legs & arms. And a slight beer belly.

*Is reading Mrs. Kimble by Jennifer Haigh and telling everyone about it.

*Is still being madly in love and knowing that you're gonna be that way for a looooooooong time to come.

*Is sporting grungy rock star hair during an interview for a helper monkey and not caring.

*Is saying "dude" during that same interview. And then wondering, did I just say "dude"? Nah, couldn't have been me.

*Is dodging a real post and doing bullet points.

*Is admitting that you're addicted to bullet point blog entries.

Obscure By the Numbers...by Ren

Gotta love hospitals.

I got to wait over 1 hour for a 15 minute appointment.
In that time I found out I will have to accept 1 little pill into my life.
Forever.
I then found out I have to wait 3 months.
After 3 months I will be given 2 weeks notice for something that will take 2 days.
Afterwards, I will get to chill out for 1 week.

Glad I can only do all of that once.

But a Few Updates.

*I'm still cracking up over the fact that the Prez of Weasel Central grunted at me

*The girl is still trying to quit smoking. I stopped being supportive 2 days ago

*Lady Luck is a flirtatious beeyatch who can't make up her mind. We are no longer on speaking terms. But her brother, Dumb Fuck, keeps calling.

*I should never be placed in charge of vacation plans. I'll be amazed if I get it all together in time.

*Being a GawdMudder rocks out.

*My rowing season starts in two weeks and I'm still doing my Shamu imitation

*I'm still crazy in love (though 10 minutes ago, it was a tough call)

*Cell phones bounce wonderfully when tossed out of boredom

*Motivation is not my friend these days. Especially when it comes to the erg.

*my hotmail account just committed Hari Kari.

*I'm going for a lie down.

The hi-light of my week. By Ren

The president of Weasel Central grunted at me.
For real. Without a tinge of irony.

Now I know I am truly loved.

Elsewhere.

A new level of hell

Today Weasel Central completes the move from the 4th ring of hell over to the 7th.
Yee haw.
Though really I'm not complaining. The new HQ is close enough that I can leave the car at home and take the subway, yet far enough away that I won't be the one they call in case of an "emergency".
Double yee haw.

I don't think I've mentioned it lately, but I am so in love.
And rocking a massive headache.
I think those two are independent of one another, as my gal is not in the general vicinity of the building (Boo. No yay).

So I'm all gung ho on buying a house again (Zoe, I blame you). It's so funny how I get obsessed with certain things (monkeys, cars, Kirk Cameron) for a brief period of time and then, boom, I'm off onto the newest focus.
But the house. Oh how I want a house! The only problem right now is where? I refuse to live in the 'burbs. Especially since I know I would go bat shit crazy and end up being moved out by my neighbours. Can't live in the 'hood either (though really, what constitutes the "hood" these days), cause I'm a wussy & I'd get massive beat downs all the time. I kinda want to live downtown-ish, but not quite cause the gal refuses to drive downtown at any time. Oh the decisions! Don't even get me started on the style of the house!

Right. Gotta go and have some lunch. Mmmm matzo ball soup. Yay Passover!
Mazel Tov, yo.

It's a girl!

Aww yeah...who's your fairy godmother?
Damn right.

Dudes, I'm gonna be a Godmother in like the next 24 hours!!!!

Oh the laziness

I'd say I was back, but honestly, I never went anywhere. Been sittin' here forever and a day. Well, not quite, but that's sure how it feels. Weasel Central has a new location. What does that mean? Means I have 4 days to throw out 3 years of my crap. Yee haw.

Man, the things we hoard. It's fuckin' nasty, dude.
Every cabinet in my department held useless shit from as far back as the mid-90's. Some of those binders were older than me. Or at least they smelled that way. Ick.

Sittin' here thinking about my summer vacation. Gonna go away with the gal. Woo hoo! Searching for a cheap cottage to rent. Well, cheap but not too cheap. Y'know, just decent. And far enough away that the Weasel Central helper monkeys won't be able to reach me.

Does anyone know what happened to Styrofoam Kitty? I went to check out her blog, and it was gone!!!! I had no option but to do some paperwork after that.

Oh before I forget...an aside to Scotty: Yeah, I work in a call centre and that is the sole reason that I never answer my phone. Why? Cause I'm always on it!

Right. Off to torture the helper monkeys.
Word.

By the numbers: Revisited

20 days later.

1 doctor

2 visitors

10 minutes

1 awesome outcome

1 relieved girlfriend

10s of relieved friends.

1 exhausted, but thankful Ren

Thanks to everyone who emailed/texted/phoned/cried with me. It was all very welcomed.

I've got the sniffles again. But that's okay. Why?
Cause Lady Luck is talking to me again.
I need everyone to think crazy positive thoughts until early next week.
Full details to follow....

Kirk fixed my font! Kirk fixed my font!
I lurve Kirk!

Aiiiiiiiiight. No more birthday bitching. It's boring. Hell, it's not a milestone year (next year is the big 3-0), so really, who cares? Bah.

Though my manager was absolutely hilarious this morning. He's standing at my desk & spies a birthday card. Looking all proud of himself he turns to me and says "hey, happy birthday". To which I dryly reply "thanks, it was yesterday. And it SUCKED". He starts laughing, reaches into his pocket and (I shit you not) hands me a shiny quarter. I thought I was gonna pee myself laughing. Yes, I took the quarter.

Had a nice romantic dinner with the gal last night. Went to Butt'r and it rocked out. Thanks for the suggestion, Kirk!

Still waiting for lady luck to call back. She's supposed to ring soon. Keep your fingers crossed. If it all works out, life is gonna be AWESOME. If it doesn't work out, I'm just gonna cry. Or something like that.

Poop

Uh huh. I think I need to change my birthday to a different day. No one seems to remember that it's today. My dad and my sister thought it was yesterday & as of right now, the helper monkeys barely knew it was today.

Though my mum & gram sent me rockin' flowers to the office. Yee haw! Oh, and the gal is taking me somewheres fancy for dinner.

All I want for my birthday is a nap. And my own private island.

Okay. Now how do I make the font all purdy like?
I can't remember....Grrrrrr.

And I keep sneezing all over my keyboard.
Dammit.

Welcome to my Thursday.
And for those wondering, Lady Luck is nowhere to be seen. I think she's taking a nap.
But keep your fingers crossed, cause this week ain't over yet!

I'm currently having major technical problems.
I swear I'll slack all day today to ensure it's fixed.
That's the last time I let the cats play with my blog.
Shit.

I need all y'all to cross your fingers for me this week.
Lady Luck has just flashed me her tits. I'm feeling the luck, yo.

In the meantime, go check out Foamy.

I'll be back.
Hopefully with kick ass news.

All by the numbers

5 minutes waiting

15 minutes of ultrasounds

6 needles in 10 minutes
1 tense Ren

2 days in bed
1 very sore throat

20 days until the results are known.

Poop

It's one of those weeks. I'm bummed out. Horribly bummed out. All I wanna do is have some fun hide away and watch bad television. I wanna lie in bed and cry until I can't cry no more. But I keep comin' back to Weasel Central instead. Dammit.

Now I know it sounds so very dramatic and whatnot, but really, it's just about my Monday appointment. I'm finding it almost impossible to psyche myself up for it. Honestly, I've already been through it once. I know it's gonna hurt like a mutha fuckah on fire. But I'm nervous all over again. I can't sleep, I'm more emotional than a pregnant lady (trust me, they're crazy), I've got massive headaches and gawd dammit, if I don't stop grazing I'm going to turn into a fucking cow. Oh the joys of stress.

Yee haw.
I'll be better by next Tuesday, so I think I'm gonna stop posting until then. No one needs to hear me whine (other than the gal...heh). I'll give all y'all the update next week.

Heh. Ooops

I kinda showed the gal the blog today (she caught me reading Styrofoamkitty at my desk). Thankfully, I am not dating a computer geek (that's my title), so I'm not really worried about her checking it out all that often...also, it's not like I really talk about her all that much. Right?

Though I suspect she will want to sit down and read through it one day. Unless I distract her. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Gonna go and buy some fire crackers now.

More fun with pretty stars

*my eyes are on FIRE.

*my home looks like it's been bombed. The joys of impulsively buying new furniture from IKEA and not having enough time to put it all together and get the old shit crud stuff out.

*even though I slept like a baby (with the gal at my side), I'm still effin' exhausted. I blame Weasel Central.

*I need to use my erg more

*I need to move my erg out of the living room. I'm constantly tripping on it.

*The cats enjoy the erg more than I do. Yes, the honeymoon is over. It's down to the nitty gritty workouts now.

*I cancelled my gym memebership last week. I feel like I've won the lotto.

*I wrote a really snarky letter in order to cancel my gym membership. I feel like I won Miss USA.

*got another appointment for the fun wow needle torture. March 1st is approaching a bit too fast for my liking

*I just found out that I am the last one to find out what my motherfuckin' minions are up to

*and when I question why I am the last one to find out what my motherfuckin' minions are up to, people act all surprised that I need to know. Uh huh.

*yes, I need to find a new job. AGAIN.

S'all good.
And I'm still in love.
With the gal.
And the Spawn of Satan.

Happy Friday the 13th, y'all. It rocks harder than Valentine's Day.

Sigh

Right.

Had a bit of a tiff with the gal today. The first really good one since we started dating. All followed by hours of chatting about "us" and what we're gonna do in the future and other fun stuff.

What did I learn from all this?
I am madly in love.
Funny, isn't it?

Now I have to wait hours to tell her that.
Yay me.
Poop.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and spend some quality time with my erg.

Love is in the erg

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to the new love of my life.
We'll call him Spawn of Satan for now.

That's what the cats are calling it.
Especially when I'm ridin' it.
Buah ha ha.

My gal's already jealous.
Methinks they might duke it out for my affections.

Aiiiiight.
Enough of my bitching and wallowing.
Go to Brain's site and read the most beautiful and moving piece ever written. Honestly.

Woo

Yup. I live. I know, that was the most exciting statement I've made since, well, January 29th.

I haven't really had anything to say in over a week. Heck, I don't think I've really got much to say now.

Still fighting to get another appointment made. Man, customer service sucks ass in Canada. Whoever said Canadians were friendly never spoke to a lab technician. Ouch. They're super mean. Really. This lady was ruder than me to me and I didn't know what to say to her. Well, other than "um, thanks. Have a great day." Yee haw.

Oh yeah. And I went away with the gal last weekend. It was absolutely AMAZING! Time out of the city is great on its own, but with someone you're crazy about? Fan-fuckin-tastic. Awww yeah.

Right. Gonna go and find a tattoo design. Brain, get ready, we're getting inked this spring!

Ah, those test results....

....told me shit.

I've got to have the whole process done over again. Yay me!
But the good news was that the few samples they did manage to pull were nice and clean.

Gotta look at the positive, right?

danger, danger, high voltage!

We had a fire drill today.

Now normally, I'm all excited at the thought of getting out of the office for a bit, but not today. Nope. Why? Cause it's snowy and fuckin' miserable out. Yeah. I even busted out the cell phone, huddled in a warm corner and made some business calls. I never do shit like that. But the radiation from my cellie kept my brain kinda warm.

So now I'm back in the building and warm. Nice and toasty. And very thankful I brought my new cardigan along with me. Yay! And I've got a "business" lunch in 10 minutes with a co-worker that I adore and respect. Yee haw!
This day is the bestest!
Probably because tomorrow will suck donkey dick. That's right. Tomorrow is the day I get my test results.

Poop.

Now before you go and say that it's all gonna be okay, keep this in mind...I have been freaking out on and off for 2 months over this whole thing. I will cry regardless of what the results are, because in my mind, 2 months of not knowing are coming to a possibly glorious end. It's kinda crazy fucked up insane.

Right. I'm gonna go and do something or other and then wander off for an extended lunch. Yay me!

And when my back hurts, I always think of this quote:

"I'd do it, but I threw out my back humpin' your mom. Snootch."

Yeah. I'm mature, I know.

I'm no air Jordan

Yeah, so last night I played my first game of basketball in too long. I also had my first hour long hot bath in a long time. Dudes, I hurt. I am no longer the lean, mean, fighting machine I used to be. Now, I am a sluggish, somewhat asthmatic, still mean, fighting machine. Dang. Who knew playing half court would be so killer? All that running back and forth. All that jumping around. All that sweating.

Yes, I will be going back next Tuesday for I am hooked.

Oy, my back.

This post brought to you by the word "fuck"

Must toss piece of shit Weasel Central out the motherfucking window of Weasel Central. Now.

I've been working on the same mofo report for the last fucking hour. And in the last fucking hour I have had to restart that report at least 6 times. Couldn't save it, either, so I've had to start from scratch each time. Why? Because my fuckin' ghetto shit computer doesn't have enough memory. Dude, I have TWO applications open and you're already out of virtual memory?!?!?!?

Fuck.

Yup. I'm alive. Very uncomfortable, but alive.

2 ultrasounds.

7 needles (instead of 8, aren't I the lucky one?).

10 minutes.

1 relieved Ren.

1 quiet evening with the gal.

Ta da. Today is gonna be a quiet day. I've already told my manager (yes, I'm chilling out at Weasel Central again) that I'm just gonna sit at my desk and be cranky all day. He seemed cool with that. Not that he had a choice.

The doctor said it's gonna hurt to do the following today:
-laugh
-cough
-yawn
and my personal favourite.....swallow.

Um, yeah.

I think my eyes are bleeding cause I'm that effin' tired.

I stopped freaking out around 2.30 this morning.
And then I had the uncomfortable sleep of the dead. Yay me!

Yeah, I'm here at Weasel Central "chilling out". That is if sitting stiffly in a crappy office chair constitues chilling out.

At 2.00 this afternoon, I will calmly get up and walk out of the office & down to the underground, where I will nestle into my gal's car and try to think happy thoughts until I get to the hospital. Once there, I will crack completely crude and inappropriate jokes and no one will chide me for being an insensitive arsehole. That will be my favourite part of the day. Then I'll go and let some techie guy do an ultrasound and stick a needle in my throat. Then I'll go home and nestle into my sofa with my gal and ignore the outside world. And tomorrow, I will wake up, thank the Universe for not killing me off (Ha nice try, you fuckwads!) and head back to Weasel Central to spread my kind of joy. Sounds like a plan.

I promise that those truly in the know will be called/emailed/texted poste haste. Thanks to all y'all out there for your supportive comments & emails. I love you fuckers.

Uh huh

Today is one of those days. I had a crud sleep, mainly cause my stress level is elevating rapidly and I'm kinda cranky (though how that differs from regular days, I'll never know). Tomorrow is the day. I'm not looking forward to it. But you already knew that.

In other news: the gal is in a good mood. And I'm fuckin' stylin'. Awww yeah. Compliments a go-go. But I think it's cause I'm wearing a total hooch shirt. The buttons keep popping and I keep showing off my personality. Dammit. The helper monkeys ("Minion" is so 2003) keep staring at my cleavage. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Oh who am I kidding? I freakin' love it.

Wow. My productivity is at an all time low. I just took an office chair for a walk. Methinks it's time to start thinking about going home. Yes indeedy do.

I was gonna post a complaint to the Universe, but I feel that it's a tad overdone. I'm going to make this the year I ignore the Universe. Cause maybe then my luck might turn around. Just maybe.

Other than that, um, yeah. I got up early and went to the gym. Along with all of those "I will go back to the gym in 2004" people. Y'know, the ones who hog all your favourite machines. Yeah. Them.

My gal's rocking the PMS today. And she's kinda weepy meaner than a bucking bronco. Which means I have to stay away from her unless I want her reduced to tears to rip my fucking face off and eat it for lunch in the office. *sigh*

Only 2 more days until I get ye olde needle in ye olde throat. I'm still not calm about this. In the least. So in the meantime, I'm keeping myself somewhat distracted by picking on the Weasel Central minions. And a few Weasel Central supervisors. Nothing brings a smile to my face like tearing a strip offa someone. Yee haw.

This month's motto?
January 2004....the year Ren got leaner and meaner.
Buah ha ha.

Return of the insanity

Howdy, and hope y'all had a rockin' New Years.

Yeah, I'm still around. Managed to chill out with friends, family & other loved ones all of last week. It was beautiful. There's nothing like ringing in the new year with some of those nearest and dearest to you.

Slept in for days. Wandered around the city, fed a Von Trapp family size of cats (mine included). Basically enjoyed shit.

Hung out with the gal for days and taught her how to play video games while I learned how to relax.

Of course, as of this morning, the relaxation is totally gone.
Got a call this morning from the hospital. Found out that I can get a much earlier appointment for some pretty big tests. Yeah. Went from having an appointment for the 26th of January to having an appointment for this fucking Thursday. Uh huh. I'm happy that it's earlier, but I'm also shitting myself. It was one thing when I didn't really have to worry about anything for the longest while. Now it's here. Dang. How do you sike yourself up to get a needle in the throat? Anyone?

Thankfully I've got a kick ass group of friends who are incredibly supportive over this whole thing.

As for the Universe, thanks, I think. Though I must admit that I'm still a wee bit peeved with the Universe for getting me in this predicament in the first place.

I honestly know I'll be okay, but in the meantime, I'm just gonna sit over here and freak the fuck out.